Dilbert section.
Dogbert section.
Company Section.
(First appearance 4/16/89)
- Invented a new data encryption program called P.H.B. (Pointy-Haired Boss) [8/21/96]
- Invented The D-Chip Television Filter [6/30/96]
- Masters Degree in Electrical Engineering [4/14/96]
- Went on vacation with Dogbert, flying on "Happy Airlines" [12/24/95]
- Got a new cubicle: The "Cuborg 2000" [6/19/94]
- Sent to "Diversity Sensitivity" training [5/31/94]
- Has worked for The Boss for five years as of [8/25/92]
- Shops at "Bill's Big 'N' Egg-Shaped Men's Fashions", "Specializing in the Ovoid man". [8/22/92]
- Date a woman with "Puppetitis", a rare disorder that makes your hand act like a puppet, she called hers "Ginger". [8/11+/92]
- Made about 10 Million dollars by investing in stock options for a company called ZYMED, spent the entire fortune on a "Cray 9" Supercomputer w/color monitor. [7/11+/92]
- Applies for a "Bank of Ethel" Credit Card. [6/20/92]
- Tries a genetic experiment to make a "Skunkopotamus". [5/25/92]
- Develops a Hair Growth Formula that works too well on himself, to reverse the effects Dogbert tells him to imagine Roseanne Arnold in a string bikini. [3/23+/92]
- Goes to the "Bank of Ethel" (A secret swiss bank) to withdraw $200. [2/23/92]
- Goldie (male), Dilbert's goldfish flushed down the toilet by a jealous Dogbert. [1/27/92]
- Joined a bowling league to build muscle tone, nicknamed "Little Arm". [11/16/91]
- Removes the pencil "Excalibert" from the pencil sharpener and becomes C.E.O. [11/4/91]
- Voted "Most likely to find a potato that resembles himself" in his high school yearbook. [10/23/91]
- Dilbert spots a beautiful "Regency" Butterfly (a.k.a. Flying Bug) [10/20/91]
- Became one with his computer and reached: "Nerdvana". [9/28/91]
- One of Dilbert's pens is named "Brenda". [9/25/91]
- Prepared a presentation for the Big Boss titled: "Rectangles: The Misunderstood Parallelograms". [9/18/91]
- Wanted to rent "Tootsie" because he thought it was a documentary about Tootsie Rolls, got "Rambo" instead. [8/25/91]
- Bought new VCR [8/18/91]
- Enters the Stand-Up Comedy competition (got 3rd place). [7/22-25/91]
- Bought some mud flaps with the silhouette of a naked woman. [7/13/91]
- Dilbert is chosen to have lunch with an executive, and is charged with "A salt and buttering with intent to kill" for killing the executive (in self-defense) with an ear of corn. With Dogbert acting as his attorney Dilbert gets acquitted. [6/25+/91]
- Shops for a "Sony Sniffman", plays the smell of your favorite stars. Clerk asks Dilbert to try Donny Osmond's Gym Bag, Dilbert asks if it is "New Donny or Classic?". [5/30/91]
- Was awarded a day off with pay for his perfect attendance record at work. [12/29/89]
- Thinks about getting a tattoo, Dogbert suggests "Kick Me". [12/26/89]
- Takes a free Hypnosis Lesson, leaves wearing only his underwear. [12/25/89]
- Determines the funniest words in the world using his computer. They include Chainsaw, Weasel, Prune, and any reference to "Gilligan's Island." [12/21/89]
- Bought a phone answering machine. [12/17/89]
- Asked by The Boss to pull the string twice a day on the Sock Monkey and do what the sock monkey says for two weeks while The Boss is on vacation. [12/3/89]
- "Dilbert's Cold" paralyed seven nations. [11/12/89]
- Got transferred to the "Glickman Nuclear Power Project", the inspectors gave a glowing report. [10/7/89]
- Read a book titled: "The History of Glue", couldn't put it down. [9/1/89]
- Opened mailbox to find his "Toast of the Month Club" package. [8/30/89]
- Shown with a box of "Oats" cereal. [8/27/89]
- Learned a secret handshake at his first meeting with the "Perpetual Motion Club". [8/11/89]
- Asked Debbie and Laura for dates, they both said they were feeling antisocial that night, but then went to the movies with each other. [7/13/89]
- Invents "Holographic Flower" bouquets. [6/15/89]
- Comes up with mathematical proof that attractive single women exist only in White Volkswagen Rabbits and Aerobics Classes. [5/4/89]
- According to the records of "Heck", Dilbert deliberately asked for three little ketchups at McDonald's when he knew he'd only need two. [5/2/89]
(First appearance 4/16/89)
- Gives Dilbert his pager number, which contains a tilde (~). Then Dilbert wants to know how to dial a tilde. [9/3/96]
- Gets a job with Dilbert's company as their "Network Administrator". [9/2/96]
- "Dogbert Gullible Friends Hotline" ($4.00/Minute) [6/9/96]
- Dogbert's Dream Analysis [5/19/96]
- Angel of Cynicism [4/7/96]
- St. Dogbert (fighting the "Demons of Stupidity") [11/9/95]
- "Long Range Planner" ['95]
- Became Inspector Dogbert to investigate Dilbert's empty lunch bag. [10/30/94]
- Declared himself leader of his empire: "Virtual Electronic Nation Of Dogbert" (VENOD for short) [6/8/93]
- Dogbert's School for Technology Imbeciles [1/8/93]
- Dogbert wrote a book (one-page) titled: "Unmarried Men Are Scum" [9/29+/92]
"Unmarried men commit ninety percent of all violent acts. They should all be jailed in advance to prevent further atrocities."-"And I should become a media sensation for suggesting such a provocative thing. The End"
- Dogbert disguises himself as a Space Alien, the United Nations votes him "Supreme Ruler of Earth", but the "Amazing Ronny" (Famous Skeptic and Debunker) puts a stop to his reign. [11/30+/92]
- Dogbert the Marriage Counselor. [8/18+/92]
- Starts "Dogbert's School of Common Sense". Students include: Alice (tipping), Betty (water in boot), Todd and Russell (scissors), and Clayton the Auto Mechanic (smokes cigars). [6/24+/92]
- Dogbert has his hair done differently for his new TV show "Healing for Dollars". [6/15/92]
- Dogbert gets a new "Titanium Alloy Deathstick 3000" tennis racket. [5/17/92]
- Works on an ad for "Shmultz Beer", "You know it's working because your head opounds." [5/12/92]
- Works as a double agent Industrial Spy for XYPON Inc. [3/22/92]
- Dogbert sues Dilbert for "Petimony", for allegedly petting the nieghbor's cat ("Fuzzy"). [3/9+/92]
- Becomes host of his own TV show "Dogbert's World of Amazingly Ignorant People." [3/3-6/92]
- Became a square dance caller, claimed to be in the "Alberdeen Hall of Dung". [1/31/92]
- Found guilty for stealing millions in an insider trading scheme. [1/24/92]
- Converts Dilbert's house into "Dogbert's Jail for the Rich and Famous" [1/13+/92]
- Baby-sits "Bret", tells him his parents are Space Aliens. [1/5/92]
- Changes name to "NostraDogbert the Prophet", his predictions are are within a big range called the "Gross Prophet Margin". [12/10/91]
- Becomes King Dogbert of Elbonia, claims to be a decendant of the Elbonian Deity "Doug". [10/7/91]
- Lost his fortune in a high-risk investment, a checking account at "Ethel's Savings and Loan". [8/22/91]
- Becomes a Pop Psychologist and Lecturer. Claims all problems are caused by invisible people named Juan and Cindy.[7/29/91]
- Dobert's "Find-A-Friend Service" [7/28/91]
- Visits Fred's Driving School, "Learn to drive in just five minutes" - It's a crash course. [7/10/91]
- Started his own Tabloid Newspaper the "Dogbert Star", devoted to lies about himself. [6/19+/91]
- Dogbert consults for The Boss at $200/hr, and calls him "Lard Head" [6/4/91]
- Dogbert's "School of Hard Knocks" [5/26/91]
- Had a pet turtle, he was a "Snappy Comeback Turtle", he died before Dogbert named him, Dilbert suggested "Morty" [9/22/91]
- Starts writing an unauthorized biography about Dilbert. [1/2/90]
- Ponders that there is no Animal Kingdom equivalent to "All-Star Wrestling". [12/13/89]
- Tells Dilbert that he is the "Tube Sock of Inventors". [12/10/89]
- Tries to use the letters "NEANS" as a word in Scrabble. [9/9/89]
- Taking a three week mail order course to become a "Certified Swami". [8/28/89]
- Got a job as the new spokesperson for "Hary's Hair Growth Solution". [7/15/89]
- Uses the word "JEQUIRITY" (Poisonous red and black seed of the Indian Licorice plant) in a Scrabble game against Dilbert. [7/5/89]
- Dogbert design a revolutionary "Home Defense System", based on "Flying Attack Porcupines". [6/7/89]
- Talks to two creatures from a distant planet about the unsuccessful "Poodle Rebellion in France, around 1723". [5/8/89]
- Tells Dilbert that the Tuxedo's cummerbund is a "Kumberbuzle", and you wear it on your head like a sweatband, then clip pens and pencils to it. [4/25/89]
- Every engineer had to strap a broom to their buttocks in order to reduce the janitorial expenses [1/21/96]
- New company slogan: "Everybody Is In Sales" [12/18/95]
- ISO 9000 audit at Dilbert's company was in September 1995 [9/27/95]
- The Boss renames the group: "Engineering Science Research Technology Systems Information Quality and Excellence Center" [11/26/94]
- Depending where you were, some of you saw a different Dilbert on August 1, 1994. The preferred strip featured Dogbert helping Dilbert's company select a new high-tech name. Dogbert used a computer to randomly generate words from astronomy and electronics, finally coming up with the name "Uranus Hertz." [8/1/94]
- The Boss writes a Mission Statement for group: "We enhance stockholder value through strategic business initiatives by empowered employees working in new team paradigms" [6/14/93]
- Dilbert's department had to wear a device on their heads called "Belt-O-Authority", with which the boss could give them painful electric shocks [1/4+/93]
- Dogbert's Clues for the Clueless: 1. Professional wrestling is all faked., 2. Nobody ever lost weight on a home exercise device., 3. Looks are more important to happiness than brains., 4. If people don't comment on your new hairdo, they hate it. [7/28/92]
- Dilbert and Dogbert take a vacation on "Lucky Airlines" and crash into a mountain. Captain Bob (a cannibal) claims the best way to prevent frostbite is to rub Worcestershire Sauce on your body and whack yourself repeatedly with a meat tenderizer. [6/29+/92]
- One strip introduced the "Can-O-Matic", a rest-room stall that randomly fires people by slapping a pink slip on their backs and catapulting them out of the building. [5/29/92]
- Dogbert designs a line of cards for death occasions: "I'm Sorry You're Dead", and "Roses are red, Violets are blue, Cardboard is stiff, and so are you." [4/30+/92]
- If the company was a person: Marketing would be the "brains", Sales would be the "Body" and engineering would be the "Snot". [4/10/92]
- Dogbert asks Dilbert if he's heard about the "Idaho Flu" that's going around...At first you feel perfectly healthy...then bam, you die. [4/4/92]
- The Elbonian Bill Of Rights: "We demand the right to dress potatoes like our favorite celebrities!...The right to collect string...The right to make armpit noises." [10/16/91]
- The national bird of Elbonia is a "Frisbee", Dilbert guesses "Condor". [10/14/91]
- Lines for the new company commercial: "I'm Wally! I was specially bred to serve you and take abuse, O magnificent customer." and "I'm Raquel. I'll be your love puppet if you buy from us." [9/20/91]
- Velcro Strips introduced in the cubicles [6/17/91]
- Dilbert's company begins random drug (blood) testing. Johnson's results are: "Lives on Cheetos and Diet Pepsi, His wife doesn't love him, he likes to dress in grass skirts and make fun of the lawnmower." [6/10+/91]
Dilbert © United Feature Syndicate, Inc.
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Page Created: VII-AUG-MCMXCVI
Last Modified: XXVIII-SEP-MMII